Hold up! It's the Virgin Mary!

If you thought the "divine" images of Jesus were a little unflattering, check out the "likeness" of Mary clocking in around the world. Most of them look like a blob with a head (yeah, yeah, back to my Michelle Obama references!) so I'm shocked the Catholics are down with their lady being presented in such a way. As I stated in my last blog post, some people are so desperate to see the fingerprint of God, they'll interpret a cat's "meow" as "God says don't bother buying the BMW, go with the Segway instead"!

(Bianca Lopez of Glendale, Ariz., said a pancake with the face of the Virgin Mary brought her peace. While making a batch of pancakes for her family the day before Thanksgiving, she spotted the religious image on her final pancake of the day. "I think it's God's way of telling us that the holidays aren't just about presents, it's about more spending time with your family and friends and telling us to not forget about him, that he's always there watching over us and taking care of us," Lopez told ABC's Phoenix Arizona affiliate KNXV ABC15.)

And thus, God chose Mary, who looked mucheth like a 'Space Hopper', to bear His only Son.

(A tree stump that many say looks like a silhouette of the Virgin Mary has brought thousands of worshipers to St. Mary's parish church in Rathkaele, Ireland, where a makeshift shrine has been built. Some jubilant visitors see the tree stump as a divine gesture. "People have been crying out for something good to happen," one visitor, Noel White, told The Associated Press, "and this is all good for the soul.")

Proving that the Americans don't have a monopoly of batpoop crazy religious fanatics, this image of Mary (again, really flattering, I don't mean to be irreverent but if she's not giving the 'stink eye' to this one, she's too busy playing the heavenly version of Words With Friends on her iPhone!) appeared as the shape of a tree stump in Ireland. The Irish drink a lot.

(A stain on a griddle that some people say is the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe is drawing crowds to the Las Palmas restaurant in Calexico, Calif., according to The Associated Press. A cook says she spotted the image while she was cleaning the griddle. Since the discovery, the griddle has reportedly been taken off the stove and placed in something of shrine in a storage room. This photo was taken April 25, 2009.)

So, Our Lady of Guadalupe has been reduced to a blobby stain on a griddle. And it's now a shrine. It's a poor representation of a space shuttle at best!

(A Chicago woman claims the image of the Virgin Mary has appeared on the stomach of her pet sand turtle, the Chicago Sun-Times reports. Shirley's daughter, Dolly Fordyce, 58, said: "I thought we were going crazy the first time I saw it. I looked at it and said, 'It can't be.' But then I looked again. I mean, you can't deny it." McVane has since renamed the turtle "Mary" and its tank mate "Joseph.")

Teenage Mutant Mary Turtle, Teenage Mutant Mary Turtle... Mother of God in a half-shell! Dolly, I haz news for you, you are crazy! Batpoop crazy! "You can't deny it" she said. I can, am, and I'm placing a copyright infraction on the image of the Leaning Tower of Pisa right now!